A Humanist funeral is an opportunity to pay tribute to the life of a loved one and to celebrate that life even as we grieve their loss.
The Humanist view is that we have only one life to live and that when that life is over there is no afterlife. What lives on is the legacy that we leave in the deeds and actions that we took in life and the memories that exist in the hearts and minds of those with whom we came into contact. Every human life, no matter how ordinary we think it was, is worthy of celebration because we all make a contribution to and have an effect on the lives of those around us.
There is a beautiful piece of poetry by an unknown author that says this so well:
After my long and happy life,
When I must leave,
I ask myself what I have done,
And what did I achieve.
I leave no monument behind,
I wrote no book, won no acclaim,
No record in the hall of fame
and yet if, when I die,
Someone should shed a tear or sigh,
My life has been worthwhile.
For if I have engendered love
In someone's heart, or made them smile,
It does not matter that we part just now,
For all that matters here - is love.
The loss of a loved one is something that we will all sadly have to face at some time or another and it may be that a religious funeral does not seem appropriate either for you or for the person that you have lost. One alternative is to opt for a Humanist ceremony in which the emphasis is very much on the life, achievements and legacy of the person who has died. It will include an honest account of the life of the person that you have lost and is written after I have met with the people who knew them best. The initial meeting can take anything from an hour upwards and as I didn't have the privilege of knowing the person about whom I am writing I rely on the family and friends to tell me as much as possible about their life. This doesn't only include things like where and when they were born and what they did for a job, but also things which can be much more difficult to describe such as what kind of person they were, what were their strengths and weaknesses? There are inevitably a lot of tears shed at these meetings but just as often there is lots of laughter as people recall their memories and talk about the person they have lost. Although it is a time for grief and sadness, many families value the opportunity to talk about their loved one and find it a valuable part of the grieving process.
The Humanist view is that we have only one life to live and that when that life is over there is no afterlife. What lives on is the legacy that we leave in the deeds and actions that we took in life and the memories that exist in the hearts and minds of those with whom we came into contact. Every human life, no matter how ordinary we think it was, is worthy of celebration because we all make a contribution to and have an effect on the lives of those around us.
There is a beautiful piece of poetry by an unknown author that says this so well:
After my long and happy life,
When I must leave,
I ask myself what I have done,
And what did I achieve.
I leave no monument behind,
I wrote no book, won no acclaim,
No record in the hall of fame
and yet if, when I die,
Someone should shed a tear or sigh,
My life has been worthwhile.
For if I have engendered love
In someone's heart, or made them smile,
It does not matter that we part just now,
For all that matters here - is love.
The loss of a loved one is something that we will all sadly have to face at some time or another and it may be that a religious funeral does not seem appropriate either for you or for the person that you have lost. One alternative is to opt for a Humanist ceremony in which the emphasis is very much on the life, achievements and legacy of the person who has died. It will include an honest account of the life of the person that you have lost and is written after I have met with the people who knew them best. The initial meeting can take anything from an hour upwards and as I didn't have the privilege of knowing the person about whom I am writing I rely on the family and friends to tell me as much as possible about their life. This doesn't only include things like where and when they were born and what they did for a job, but also things which can be much more difficult to describe such as what kind of person they were, what were their strengths and weaknesses? There are inevitably a lot of tears shed at these meetings but just as often there is lots of laughter as people recall their memories and talk about the person they have lost. Although it is a time for grief and sadness, many families value the opportunity to talk about their loved one and find it a valuable part of the grieving process.
What will be in the ceremony?
Like other Humanist ceremonies, a Humanist funeral will be dignified, meaningful and respectful whilst at the same time celebrating the diversity of humankind and recognising that we all lead lives worthy of tribute and celebration. I respect the fact that there may be people present who have a religious faith and always include a period of reflection during which I invite those present to reflect privately on the life of the person who has died - in whichever way brings you comfort.
An important part of a Humanist funeral ceremony is music and this can encompass everything from classical to heavy rock but the only proviso from a Humanist point of view is that it should not have any religious content such as hymns. There are several opportunities to include music in the ceremony and most families like to have music playing whilst people are arriving to take their seats. This can take the form of a compilation of music chosen by the family with their loved one in mind and put onto a CD. The end of the ceremony is an opportunity to play a specific piece of music that was perhaps a favourite of the person who has died, or reminds the family of a particular time or significant event in their lives. It may also be possible to play a piece of music in the middle of the ceremony but this really depends on the time available as there are time restrictions at crematoria and allowing time for a track in the middle means that the tribute to the person who has died will be shorter.
If the ceremony is held at a funeral home before a committal at a crematorium or a burial, then the time restrictions are less strict. Your funeral director will discuss the procedures at either kind of ceremony with you.
Funeral directors are unfailingly professional, helpful and knowledgeable and they do a wonderful job. There is rarely a question that you can ask that they will not have the answer to and are used to dealing with all of the practical aspects of bereavement. It would be great if we never needed their services but when you do have call to contact them, make use of their expertise to help you through what will be a very difficult time.
An important part of a Humanist funeral ceremony is music and this can encompass everything from classical to heavy rock but the only proviso from a Humanist point of view is that it should not have any religious content such as hymns. There are several opportunities to include music in the ceremony and most families like to have music playing whilst people are arriving to take their seats. This can take the form of a compilation of music chosen by the family with their loved one in mind and put onto a CD. The end of the ceremony is an opportunity to play a specific piece of music that was perhaps a favourite of the person who has died, or reminds the family of a particular time or significant event in their lives. It may also be possible to play a piece of music in the middle of the ceremony but this really depends on the time available as there are time restrictions at crematoria and allowing time for a track in the middle means that the tribute to the person who has died will be shorter.
If the ceremony is held at a funeral home before a committal at a crematorium or a burial, then the time restrictions are less strict. Your funeral director will discuss the procedures at either kind of ceremony with you.
Funeral directors are unfailingly professional, helpful and knowledgeable and they do a wonderful job. There is rarely a question that you can ask that they will not have the answer to and are used to dealing with all of the practical aspects of bereavement. It would be great if we never needed their services but when you do have call to contact them, make use of their expertise to help you through what will be a very difficult time.
Thank you very much for your lovely service at my dads funeral, All the feedback from family and friends has been fantastic and every single person has said the you conducted a wonderful service. Thanks again Janet, you helped us get through a hard day. XX
Funeral Wishes
Death is still a taboo in our society and nobody likes to contemplate the fact that they will die one day. One of the most heart rending things that I encounter is when relatives are faced with making funeral choices for a loved one at a time when their grief is overwhelming them. There are very practical decisions to be made - cremation or burial? Music, flowers, charity collection, the list goes on and you can only appreciate how difficult it can be to make these decisions when you have been in that situation yourself.
You may have specific ideas about what kind of funeral you would like for yourself and my advice is to talk to your loved ones about it today. It may seem morbid but you are doing them a great favour in relieving them of the burden of making choices on your behalf. The Humanist Society of Scotland website has a document that you can download which gives you an opportunity to detail your wishes and give it to someone you trust so that when the time comes they can rest assured that they are giving you the funeral that you want. You will find a link to the document here.
Please feel free to contact me to ask any questions that you may have in absolute confidence.
You may have specific ideas about what kind of funeral you would like for yourself and my advice is to talk to your loved ones about it today. It may seem morbid but you are doing them a great favour in relieving them of the burden of making choices on your behalf. The Humanist Society of Scotland website has a document that you can download which gives you an opportunity to detail your wishes and give it to someone you trust so that when the time comes they can rest assured that they are giving you the funeral that you want. You will find a link to the document here.
Please feel free to contact me to ask any questions that you may have in absolute confidence.
